She said her name was "party"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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