Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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