You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
