Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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