I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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