Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
