Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
