i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
