Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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