I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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