Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
