You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
