Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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