the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
