You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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