YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
