So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it