people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
