Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
