I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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