turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
