sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
