Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
