Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
