So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
