We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
