I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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