First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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