Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
