Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
