i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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