so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
