My sheets look like a crime scene.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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