Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
