My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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