Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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