I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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