i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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