he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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