Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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