The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
