fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
