My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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