if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
