I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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