this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
