I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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