you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
