If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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