You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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