It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
