that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
