hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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