This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
