I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
