I swear god or herbie drove my car home
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
