The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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