You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize