I think I died a long time ago.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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