I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
