Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
