I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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