4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
