considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
